Rough Cut

Uncut Gems – 2019 – R

Gambling on sports is nothing I understand. Over, under, even, lines, parlay. Uncut Jewels offers no mercy to those unschooled in betting. Actually Uncut Jewels offers no mercy to those schooled (in pretty much anything). Period. The film’s dialogue was reduced to strings of profanity, expletives and f-bomb obscenities. 95% of the film’s dialogue can be boiled down to some variation of you mother F@#$&*%$  piece of @#$& sucking @#$&! The other 5% were exchanges between a team of gastroenterologists conducting a colonoscopy. Sigmoid colon, polyps, diverticula. Riveting.

The film’s 135 minutes were continual, nonstop, unrelenting turbulence, like being thrashed about by storm whipped waves—slammed,tossed, smashed—one gulp and gasp short of drowning. Agitating. Draining. Exhausting. And so much yelling. Men, women, children, the audition criteria for this movie was measured in decibels. I scream you scream. We all scream and yell and curse and shout and shriek at everyone around. And that’s us the audience! Crushed into frenetic, raving oblivion by an ingratiating, asinine tale of addiction and adrenaline, characters incessantly clamoring and talking over each other, we suffered a collective audience anxiety attack. Look that up in the DSM-5 and file an insurance claim.

The hoard of lowlife characters are dislikable, distasteful dimwits. The leading dunderhead, New York Diamond District jeweler Howard Ratner (Adam Sadler) is an unscrupulous, lying scumbag, whose con artist life is a treacherous pyramid scheme of stupidity, sellouts and screwups. He owes debts upon bets. He pawns things borrowed and sells things loaned. There is not a single endearing quality enough to salvage his soul when the inevitable day of doom descends. His wife Dinah (Idina Menzel) dishes it out the best, “I think you are the most annoying person on the planet.” Agreed. Too bad the writers couldn’t figure out a slant where Grammy, Oscar and Tony feted Menzel could have belted out a song or two. She might have redeemed this ill-conceived, crude, moronic  @#$&*+%  movie. Take the money and run. No diamonds in the rough to be had, just a bad lot.

Author: Rev. Peggy Bryan

I was ordained an Episcopal Priest in 2009. View all posts by Rev. Peggy Bryan